You are talking with your partner when your child wants to show you a drawing. You say, “Just a moment,” continue the conversation, and soon your child calls you again, this time more loudly. Eventually, you say, “Stop interrupting us.” But your child may not yet know how to ask for a turn or when that turn will come.
When interruptions happen repeatedly, try agreeing on a simple way to take turns in conversation. Your child can practise showing that they want to speak and waiting briefly. The adult takes responsibility for noticing the request and genuinely making space for the child. Adapt the approach for a preschooler or younger school-age child, depending on the agreements they already understand.
First find out what your child needs to say
Before reminding your child about the rule, briefly check what is happening. They may want to show you something they made, add to a shared experience, ask about an unfamiliar word or request help. The interruption itself does not tell you which of these applies. If it is not clear, ask, “What is happening?”
Pay attention to the flow of the conversation as well. Has your child had a chance to join in? Have you postponed their question several times? Are several people, including adults, talking at once? Before giving another reminder, consider whether the family rules actually allow your child to take a turn at that moment.
Do not make help with pain, danger or harm dependent on waiting. At a calm time, tell your child that they can interrupt you immediately if they need help with something like this. Use clear examples, such as being hurt or someone hurting them. If your child cannot tell whether something can wait, they can call you and you can assess the situation together.
Agree on how to ask for a turn and how you will respond
Explain the new agreement during a calm moment. Choose a simple phrase or gesture that feels comfortable for your child and that you can notice. They might say, “I want to say something,” or raise a hand. At home, you do not need to introduce a classroom-style signal if a brief verbal request works better for you.
The agreement should include three specific steps:
- The child asks for a turn. They use the agreed phrase or gesture so you know they want to join the conversation.
- The adult responds and sets a short wait. For example: “I hear you. I’ll finish this sentence, and then you can speak.”
- The adult gives the child the turn. Once the sentence is finished, turn to your child and say, “What did you want to tell us?” Then let them speak.
To begin, choose a conversation in which you can genuinely keep this promise. If you need to finish a long phone call, “after this sentence” is not a suitable agreement. Say that you will talk after the call and, if necessary, decide together what your child can do in the meantime or whom they can ask for help.
Demonstrate turn-taking in one short conversation
Example: Two parents are sitting at the table, deciding when to go on a trip. Their child arrives with a drawing and starts explaining what they have drawn. One parent says, “You want to show us your picture. I’ll finish saying when we’re going, and then I’ll look at it.” The parent finishes the sentence, “We’ll leave on Saturday morning,” and turns to the child.
The parent can now ask, “What is in the picture?” The child has been given space for the reason they came over. If the response becomes a long discussion about the child’s behaviour instead of interest in the drawing, the conversation they wanted is postponed again. Keep any reminder brief, then also respond to the content they are trying to share.
You can first practise the agreement as a short game. The parent starts talking about their day, the child asks for a turn during the first sentence, and the parent gives them the turn when the sentence ends. Then swap roles. One attempt is enough for both of you to see how waiting comes to an end.
Remind your child of the agreed step when they interrupt again
If your child starts speaking immediately after asking, use a brief reminder: “I know you’re waiting. I’m still finishing my sentence.” Then give them the turn, even though they needed your guidance. The aim of this attempt is to complete the entire turn-taking sequence, including the opportunity to speak.
Avoid labels such as “You are so rude” and questions like “How many times do I have to tell you?” You can describe exactly what is happening: “We are both talking at the same time.” Then decide who will finish their thought and who will speak next. This gives your child useful information for the situation right now.
If your child is upset, crying or urgently trying to get your help, stop the practice and find out what they need. You can return to the agreement later. If you do not manage to respond calmly yourself, you can say, “I raised my voice. I’ll try saying that again.”
Adjust the agreement according to where the conversation breaks down
When the approach is not working, look at the specific point where it becomes difficult. The following options are suggestions to try; check the reason for the behaviour with your child rather than assuming it.
| What you notice | What you can adjust |
|---|---|
| Your child calls out more and more loudly after asking for a turn. | Check whether they noticed your response. Instead of a subtle nod, try a brief verbal confirmation. |
| After waiting, your child no longer remembers what they wanted to say. | Shorten the wait. You could let them say one keyword, such as “picture,” and return to it afterwards. |
| Your child starts speaking during every brief pause. | Give the turn explicitly: “Now it’s your turn to speak.” During practice, your child does not have to work out what every pause means. |
| Your child takes turns in a short conversation but repeatedly interrupts during a long one. | Break the conversation into shorter parts so your child can join in sooner. Try longer discussions at a time when someone else can also give them attention. |
Adjust the length of the wait to what your child can manage in that particular attempt. You might begin by finishing only one short sentence. If saying the request is difficult, agree on a simple gesture. There is no need to require an exact phrase, eye contact and still sitting at the same time.
If the difficulty continues at school as well, talk with the teacher about specific situations. Find out how your child gets a turn in class and which reminder helps. An agreement at home may need different conditions from a whole-class discussion; explain this difference to your child.
Protect your child’s space when they are speaking
Use the turn-taking rule yourself as well. When your child is describing an experience, try to let them finish their thought, even if they speak slowly or begin with an unimportant detail. If you do not understand something, ask one clarifying question. Delay correcting pronunciation or filling in the story unless it is necessary for understanding.
During conversations between siblings, help maintain the agreed order: “Lea will finish this part, and then you can share your experience.” At the same time, make sure everyone has space. If one child speaks for a very long time, help them find a point at which to hand over the turn: “Will you finish explaining how the game ended, and then we’ll listen to Tom?”
Look for one change in your next conversation
Choose a short, calm conversation at home and remind your child in advance how to ask for a turn. Notice whether they try to use it and whether you give them space after the wait. If they succeed with your reminder, you can still name the specific result: “You waited until I finished, and then I listened to your idea.”
Progress can also mean that your child is able to say, “I’m not finished yet,” or that you notice your own interruption and give the turn back. At the next attempt, continue from the part of the agreement that already worked. If the difficulty arose during a long wait, prepare a shorter conversation that gives both of you room to speak.
