How to help with learning without taking over

Help with the next step, not the whole journey

Your child is sitting over an assignment and says, “I can’t do it!” Parents often feel caught between two extremes: letting their child struggle or solving the whole thing for them. There’s a middle way. First, find out what exactly is difficult.

Ask: “Which part do you understand? Where did you get stuck?” If your child can’t answer, help them break the task into smaller parts. Show them a similar example or offer one hint. Then hand the initiative back: “Now you try the next step and tell me why you chose it.”

Adjust how much support you give. If the task is too easy, your child may not learn anything new. If it’s too difficult, encouragement alone won’t be enough. Make the step smaller, remind them of an approach they already know, or suggest a break. If they’re struggling over time, it may also help to talk to their teacher.

Avoid saying, “This is easy,” or “How many times do I have to repeat myself?” These phrases describe your frustration rather than the specific problem. Try: “You know the instructions now. Let’s find where you got stuck.”

Support should help your child explain the problem in their own words and make progress independently on a similar task next time.

Try it out: The next time your child has a task to do, offer the smallest amount of help that lets them make progress. Then step back for a moment and see if they can continue on their own.