When your child doesn’t fit in

Tell the difference between a difficult moment and repeated harm

Your child says the others didn’t want them to join in a game. It’s painful for a parent to hear. At the same time, one comment isn’t enough to tell us whether it was a misunderstanding, a one-off rejection, or ongoing exclusion. The first step is to calmly find out what happened.

Ask specific questions: “Who was there? What did they say? Does this happen often? What did you do?” Don’t dismiss your child’s feelings, but don’t label the other children as malicious without evidence. You need to separate what was observed from what’s assumed.

If it was a one-off situation, you can practise a simple phrase: “Can I join in next round?” or “Who could I play something else with?” The goal isn’t to make everyone like your child. They have the right to look for an environment where they feel accepted.

If there’s repeated humiliation, threats, or concern for your child’s safety, don’t expect them to handle it alone. Keep track of specific incidents, contact the school or another responsible adult, and agree on what to do next. If your child is seriously affected, seek appropriate professional support.

If your child doesn’t want to talk straight away, offer another time. At the same time, make it clear that if their safety is at risk, you’ll act without delay.

Try it out: Instead of jumping straight to advice, prepare three questions to find out the facts. Then choose one small, safe step together that will give your child more options.