Feedback that helps children move forward

Give feedback on the process, not the child’s worth

Imagine your child has brought home a lower grade. Saying, “You’re just lazy” labels their personality and doesn’t tell them what to do differently. The opposite extreme—automatically saying, “You’re a genius”—doesn’t explain what actually worked, either. Useful feedback focuses on something you can observe.

You could say: “I see that you got the first problems right, but you skipped the instructions on the word problems. What might help next time?” This connects specific information with the possibility of change. If your child did good work, say exactly what they did: “You checked the answer in two different ways.”

A mistake is information, not a label. That doesn’t mean you should remove the consequences of every mistake. If your child forgot a responsibility, they can take an appropriate part in making things right. What matters is that they know what to do next.

When emotions are running high, your child may not be ready to discuss how they did. First, calm down; then return to the specific behaviour. If the problem keeps happening, look at the circumstances, too: unclear instructions, tiredness, not enough time, or a task that’s too difficult.

Try it out: Replace one general judgement with three parts: what you noticed, what the result was, and what you could try next time. See if your child can name their own next step.