When the conflict is happening over messages

First check what they mean and what outcome is needed

A colleague writes, “You think this is finished?” It’s not clear whether an attachment, some content, or approval is missing. A sharp reply can start an argument about tone before you’ve found out what the problem is. Try clarifying first: “Which part do you think is missing? I sent a draft for comments, not a final version.” If the file’s purpose wasn’t clear, explain it.

Before sending your reply, check whether it includes a verifiable fact, a specific question or request, and any necessary deadline. Leave out sarcasm that the other person has to interpret. If you made a mistake, acknowledge it directly. A long message full of old grievances can distract from a decision that needs to be made now.

Choose the channel that fits the task and the circumstances. If you’ve misunderstood each other, you could suggest a short call with a clear topic. But the other person may need written communication for accessibility, time to think, or a record of the agreement. A call isn’t always better and shouldn’t be used to remove a record of problematic behavior.

After clarifying things verbally, confirm the practical agreement in a brief message: what will change, who will do it, and by when. Check that the summary reflects what both people agreed. In a group chat, discuss the issue with the people who need to make the decision; don’t add a wider audience just to apply pressure. If there are threats or serious harassment, keep relevant communications and use appropriate support or your organization’s process.