What lies behind different requests

The same proposal can address different needs

One colleague wants a morning meeting; another wants one in the afternoon. If they only vote on the time, they may miss the reasons: the first needs a decision for a client by noon, while the second handles operations in the morning. Asking, “What do you need to have resolved by then?” may reveal that the main issue is making a timely decision and having the right information available.

Distinguish the solution someone is asking for from the need it’s meant to meet. A meeting at nine is a solution. Getting an offer approved on time is a work-process need. It might be enough to share the materials in advance and make a quick decision in the morning with the person who has the relevant authority. That may not be possible, in which case a priority needs to be set.

Ask about constraints, not for agreement with your proposal. Instead of “Don’t you agree that morning is more sensible?” try “Which part of the morning are you unavailable, and what do you need to know in advance?” Then state your own constraints just as clearly. Don’t offer flexibility you don’t have or a deadline you can’t meet.

A compromise isn’t automatically the best solution. Partially meeting a safety requirement or setting a deadline after a firm cutoff may not be acceptable. Distinguish preferences that can be negotiated from genuine conditions. When neither proposal can work, explain the reason for the decision and its impact. You can’t force the other person to agree by describing your preference as a shared need.