A calmer response under pressure

An emotion is a signal, not an instruction to act

When someone criticises you unexpectedly, you might feel angry or embarrassed, or want to defend yourself straight away. The feeling itself isn’t a problem. What matters is what you do next. Self-control doesn’t have to mean suppressing your emotions; it can mean creating a brief pause between the trigger and your response.

Try the steps pause – name it – check – respond. First, interrupt the impulse for a moment. Then notice what’s happening internally: “I feel attacked.” Check what the other person actually means: “Are you referring to the delivery date or the quality of the work?” Only then respond to the specific issue.

Imagine someone says, “You can’t be relied on.” Instead of firing back, try: “That’s a strong statement. Which situation do you have in mind?” If they give you an example, you can look into it. If it’s a personal attack without a specific basis, calmly set a boundary.

Sometimes a brief pause isn’t enough. For an important conversation, you can ask for time: “I want to give you a considered answer. I’ll come back to this this afternoon.” But in an urgent safety situation, you can’t put everything off. Adapt your approach to the circumstances.

Pay attention to the bigger picture, too. If you’re irritable when exhausted, adjusting your workload and getting some rest may help—not just practising the perfect sentence.

Try it out: Prepare one natural question that gives you time and clarifies the criticism. Practise saying it aloud so that it sounds calm, not sarcastic.