Self-reflection that reveals something

Observe your behaviour before judging yourself

After a conversation that didn’t go well, you might say, “I always express myself badly.” But that isn’t an observation; it’s a sweeping judgement. Self-reflection is more useful when you separate what happened, how you interpreted it and what you’ll try next.

For example, “I interrupted my colleague twice in the meeting” is a fairly specific description. “I’m rude” is a label that doesn’t tell you what to change. “Next time I disagree, I’ll wait until my colleague finishes speaking and start by summarising their point” is an actionable plan.

At the end of the day, try briefly answering three questions: When did I respond well? Where did a problem arise? What small thing would I do differently next time? You don’t need to keep a long journal. The important thing is to gather examples regularly, not reach a final verdict about yourself.

Avoid the opposite trap, too: attributing everything to circumstances. If a colleague responded irritably, perhaps they were having a difficult day; but perhaps you also phrased your question unclearly. Without more information, you don’t know the whole story.

Self-reflection has its limits. Analysing every word endlessly can increase uncertainty, and it can’t replace rest or a conversation with someone else. If you keep returning to the same thought without learning anything new, try turning it into a small experiment.

Try it out: Write down a recent situation in three sentences: “What happened was…”, “I interpreted it as…”, “Next time I’ll check or try…”. The difference between a description and a label is the foundation of more precise learning.