Learn from others without becoming dependent on them

A good adviser doesn’t make decisions for you

When you face an unfamiliar challenge, someone with experience can point out questions you may have overlooked. A mentor doesn’t have to be a well-known leader or a long-term guide. It could be a colleague whose skills you admire and who’s willing to explain their approach briefly.

Be clear about the help you need. “I want to improve” is very broad. “How do you prepare for a challenging presentation to a client?” is a specific question that can be answered. Respect the other person’s time, and don’t expect ongoing guidance unless you’ve agreed on it.

Take feedback as information, not a verdict. If one person says you seem unsure of yourself, ask which situation gave them that impression. Perhaps you explained things for too long; perhaps you simply expressed your uncertainty clearly. Without an example, the feedback is hard to put to use.

Consider the context when weighing advice, too. A successful business owner might recommend growing a company aggressively, while you might prefer stable work and time with the people close to you. The two approaches depend on different assumptions. A good mentor helps you see the consequences; they don’t pressure you to adopt their priorities.

Also notice whether you’re free to disagree and ask questions. If the relationship becomes pressuring or humiliating, you don’t have to stay in it just because the other person has authority.

Try it out: Choose one skill and someone who uses it well. Prepare one specific question for them. After they answer, write down what you’d like to try and what you’ll leave up to your own judgement.