Listen without disappearing from the conversation

Understanding doesn’t mean automatically agreeing

In a work meeting, someone suggests an approach you disagree with. If you interrupt before they’ve explained it, you might miss the reason behind their suggestion. If you just nod silently, your own opinion won’t be part of the decision. Assertive listening combines understanding the other person accurately with stating your own position clearly.

Try four steps: let the other person finish, summarise their point, ask one clarifying question and then share your view. For example: “I understand that you want to speed up delivery. Am I right that this would mean shortening the quality checks? I disagree, because that would increase the risk of complaints. I suggest changing another part of the process instead.”

This response is clear and open to discussion. It doesn’t hide disagreement behind a vague “Perhaps we could…”, or claim the other person is unreasonable. If you don’t know all the relevant details, say so: “I don’t know that part of the costs; I need to check.”

This approach has its limits. If the conversation turns into insults or pressure, you don’t have to keep repeating your arguments. You can set a boundary: “I’m happy to discuss the issue when we can do so without personal attacks.”

Try it out: Prepare a three-sentence response to a disagreement: “I understand that…”, “I want to make sure…”, “My view is…”. Then say it out loud without apologising for having an opinion.