Another person’s feelings aren’t a foregone conclusion

What you see doesn’t explain why it happened

A colleague doesn’t smile after a meeting and gives brief answers. The brief answer is what you’ve observed. “She’s angry with me” is still your assumption. She may be thinking about a task, feeling tired, or dealing with something unrelated to you. You don’t have to choose one explanation straight away and act on it.

A 2019 review by Barrett and colleagues shows that facial movements do not have a sufficiently reliable, unambiguous relationship to specific emotions across people and situations. Faces provide information, but they don’t determine exactly what someone is feeling. The review focuses mainly on facial expressions; it doesn’t mean that all nonverbal signals are worthless or that context doesn’t matter.

Try checking in neutrally: “You were quieter after the meeting. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” If she says she needs to finish some work, accept her answer. Don’t insist that her expression revealed something else. You may not need to ask another question, either. The option not to talk is part of respecting the other person.

Offer an emotion as a possibility, not a diagnosis. “Is that disappointing for you, or do you see it differently?” leaves room for clarification. “You must feel rejected” leaves less room. Notice your own motive, too: are you asking to understand her situation, or just to quickly ease your own uncertainty?