Empathy when making decisions about others

The story you hear is only part of a shared situation

You manage a small team. A colleague explains in detail why he needs to swap shifts. Another colleague says little about her private life. It would be premature to assume that she has no important commitments and can automatically manage the change. When making a decision, you need to know the availability of everyone affected, not judge how convincing their personal stories are.

First, acknowledge your colleague’s need and distinguish it from a promise about the outcome: “I understand that you need to change your shift. I’ll check what’s possible, and then we’ll agree on a plan.” Next, ask about practical constraints without requiring confidential details. Your colleague can say she’s unavailable that day without explaining her entire family situation.

Apply clear criteria and keep track of how the workload is shared. Consider who can cover the shift, what that means for their work, and whether exceptions are repeatedly falling to one person. Treating people fairly doesn’t always mean finding exactly the same solution for every situation. Any difference should be based on relevant circumstances, not simply on who you’re closer to.

If you’re making the decision as a manager, a personal question may feel like a demand. Explain what information you need to make the decision and what you don’t need. Tell the team about the work arrangement without revealing private reasons. An empathetic conversation can still end with a request being declined if there aren’t enough options. What matters is being truthful, following a reasonable process, and respecting everyone involved.