When you contributed to the problem

Your intention doesn’t explain the whole impact

At a meeting, you joke about a colleague being late. Later, he tells you the comment embarrassed him in front of the team. Your first response may be to explain that it was only a joke. That clarifies your intention but doesn’t yet address the impact he described. First, check what specifically bothered him and let him finish answering.

If you made the comment, you can take responsibility without adding vague qualifications: “I’m sorry I commented on your lateness that way in front of everyone. Next time, I’ll speak to you about it directly.” You don’t have to claim that you know exactly how he feels. It’s enough to take his account seriously and name what you did.

Agree on how to make amends; don’t prescribe it. Your colleague may want you to briefly correct the comment in front of the team, or he may not want the incident discussed publicly again. Check with him before apologising in front of everyone. Making amends shouldn’t create another situation where you decide what to reveal about him without his input.

Acknowledging that the comment was inappropriate doesn’t make punctuality at work irrelevant. You can address that separately, clearly, and appropriately. If you disagree with part of his account, be specific about that without dismissing his whole experience. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness or reassurance that you’re a good person. The credibility of your apology will also depend on whether you follow through on the change you agreed to make next time.