Show interest without assuming how someone feels

Understanding begins with a question

A friend goes quiet after a meeting. You might worry that something upset them, but you don’t have to decide straight away what they’re feeling or why they’re quiet. Try asking: “I noticed you’ve been quieter since the meeting. Would you like to tell me how it felt for you?”

Empathy doesn’t mean automatically agreeing, feeling the same way, or taking responsibility for all of someone else’s problems. It means trying to understand their perspective and accepting that they may explain it differently from what you expected. You can offer a choice between listening and looking for options together. Respect it if they don’t want to talk.