What you want your conversation to achieve

Start by choosing the purpose of your message

Eva wants to introduce her colleagues to a new way of handing over orders. She begins by describing every problem from the past month and explaining her idea in detail. By the end, she doesn’t know whether her colleagues support the proposal. They, in turn, aren’t sure whether she has given them an instruction, invited them to discuss it, or simply told them what she’s been working on.

Before a conversation, decide what you need: to share information, hear the other person’s perspective, ask for help, or make a decision together. Eva’s goal might be to get agreement to try the new process on a limited basis. Then she can say: “I’d like to agree on whether we should try this approach with one group of orders.” The purpose is clear, and she isn’t implying that a decision has already been made.

Also think about what the listener knows and needs to know. A new colleague needs an explanation of the current process. An experienced colleague may mainly need to know what will change, what work will be involved, and have room to raise concerns. Adapting your message doesn’t mean hiding uncomfortable facts. If the change adds a responsibility, include that alongside the expected benefit.

In a personal conversation, the goal might be understanding or spending time together, not making a decision. Someone close to you may not want immediate advice. You can check the purpose and adjust it as the conversation unfolds. If the other person doesn’t have time or can’t make the decision, agree on a suitable next step. Simply finishing what you wanted to say doesn’t mean the conversation achieved its purpose.