Observation isn’t a conclusion

Describe the behaviour first, then consider what it might mean

There’s a difference between “you looked at your watch three times” and “my presentation is boring you”: the difference between an observation and a conclusion. The first sentence describes something visible. The second assigns a reason that may not be right.

Restless movements, looking away or a change in someone’s voice aren’t reliable evidence of lying on their own. A meta-analysis of 206 documents involving over 24,000 evaluators found that people were only somewhat able to distinguish truth from lies, and judgements based on visible cues were less accurate than those based on audible information. So don’t use nonverbal signals as a lie detector. Bond and DePaulo: Accuracy of Deception Judgments.

If someone’s behaviour matters to the conversation, try a neutral observation and a question: “I noticed we paused at this point. Is there anything you’d like me to clarify?” This wording is about the situation, not the person’s character or intentions.

If there’s no need to act, you can simply note what you observed without drawing a conclusion. Not every gesture needs to be interpreted, and a difference between someone’s words and facial expression isn’t always a problem.

Before confirming a date, your colleague pauses briefly and looks at their notes. What’s the best way to check what’s going on?

Remark that their reaction seems dishonest.Say that you noticed them looking at their notes and ask if they need to check the date.Point out that hesitation in a business conversation undermines trust.Commit to the date on their behalf so the conversation doesn’t get held up.

Observation isn’t a conclusion

Describe the behaviour first, then consider what it might mean

Before confirming a date, your colleague pauses briefly and looks at their notes. What’s the best way to check what’s going on?

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