Everything we communicate without words

Nonverbal communication isn’t a secret code

Nonverbal communication includes facial expressions, eye movements, gestures, posture, distance, touch, voice, pace, pauses and the setting in which a conversation takes place. These elements can add to our words, change how they come across or signal that something may be worth checking.

But the same signal can have several causes. Crossed arms might be a comfortable position, a reaction to the cold or simply a habit. Silence might mean someone is thinking, tired, unsure or wants to listen. You can’t reliably infer someone’s personality, intentions or precise feelings from a single movement.

A useful skill is to notice a specific change, allow for more than one explanation and ask if needed. You can also pay attention to your own behaviour: whether you speak clearly, give the other person time and communicate in a way that supports what you want to say.

During a conversation, try separating three things: what you directly observed, what you’re assuming about it and what you can do to understand better. This is more useful than trying to seem confident all the time or guessing what someone else is thinking without asking.