Why do I keep reacting the same way?

A recurring reaction is a clue, not a diagnosis

Maybe it really unsettles you when someone is late. Someone else might struggle with public criticism or unclear instructions. The event itself isn’t always the whole story; your expectations, experiences, and current stress levels also matter. It can help to notice the situations where a similar feeling keeps coming up.

Try a brief record: what happened, your first emotion, what you did, and what happened next. For example: “The customer changed the brief at the last minute. I got angry. I promised to fix everything by the evening. Then I worked under pressure.”

A trigger doesn’t excuse every behaviour. Being angry about a change of plan doesn’t mean it’s okay to shout at a colleague. At the same time, you don’t need to blame yourself for the feeling itself. The part you can work on is what you do next.

Once you have a few notes, look for something they have in common. Is it a sense of unfairness, a lack of control, or fear of disappointing someone? Treat these explanations as hypotheses. You can check them in the next situation by asking a question or observing what happens.

Individual techniques can’t solve everything. If unreasonable demands keep affecting you, you may also need to address boundaries and working conditions. It’s not wise to simply practise staying calm so you can put up with anything.

Try it out: Think of two similar difficult situations. Look for what they had in common and plan one different response. Try it the next time an opportunity comes up, without expecting perfect control.