What am I feeling, and what am I only assuming?

An emotion, a thought, and an event are not the same thing

After a meeting, you think: “My colleague doesn’t respect me.” That may be your interpretation of their behaviour, rather than a direct description of how you feel. Perhaps you feel angry, disappointed, or uncertain. Emotional intelligence starts with more clearly distinguishing what happened, what you feel, and how you’re interpreting it.

Try a simple note. Event: “My colleague interrupted me twice while I was explaining something.” Emotion: “I felt irritated.” Interpretation: “I thought they didn’t consider my opinion important.” Describing it this way gives you a chance to check what happened instead of treating your first conclusion as certain.

You may not always know the exact name for a feeling. You can start broadly: “I feel uncomfortable” or “I feel tense.” Then consider whether it’s closer to fear, anger, sadness, or disappointment. You don’t need to build a perfect psychological vocabulary straight away.

Emotions aren’t a sign of weakness or proof that you’re right. They’re part of your experience. Even justified anger can come with a mistaken assumption, and a calm person can still be wrong.

If you can’t remember what you felt, try recalling the circumstances, physical tension, or a thought that crossed your mind. Be careful, though, not to assume an exact cause without evidence.

Try it out: Think of an uncomfortable conversation. Write three short sentences: “What happened…”, “I felt…”, “I interpreted it as…”. This can give you room to respond more thoughtfully.